I haven’t felt this alive

So it turns out that being at school makes me a blogging bum. I can load up on excuses, I can apologize and beg for your readership again, or I can just get right back to it.

Before I jump into things fully, I have to mention that the title of this blog post comes from a song by Kishi Bashi, an incredible musician who I discovered at a concert a few weeks ago. The title is a line from his song Manchester, which is one of my favorites:

This song speaks strongly to what I want to write about. I just found this invigorating post on how awesome it is to be in my 20-somethings and it’s inspired me to get back on the horse and write. I’ve been sick for almost the past week and I’ve felt just like a gigantic lump on the face of the earth. I’ve been snotty and I’ve been exhausted, but now I’m invigorated to actually go out and do something with myself.

When I got back to the US my fencing coach told me, “Pay attention to how you feel right now. Right now, just back from being abroad, you feel alive. I can tell. In a few months, you’ll be back asleep like the rest of your teammates.”

And as much as I hate to say it, it’s true. When I was in Buenos Aires I treated every day like a gem. My experience there was timed; I only had a certain number of days, and I planned to make the most of them. I carried that attitude back with me to school and for the first couple of months I approached life with the same vigor.

Now though, I realize that I’ve lost a lot of what made me feel alive. I don’t feel special anymore. I feel like I’m slogging through whatever life I’ve set out for myself and I certainly don’t feel like every day is a new adventure.

This blog post– the one about how awesome it is to be in my 20-somethings– made me feel a bit of that spark again. It’s springtime. I’m performing a solo tomorrow night, I’m going to be in an art show this weekend, and I’m in the process of starting up a storefront where all of you lovely people can buy prints of my photos. I get to define who I am, what I do, and who I want to be. I get to make myself and my life and my choices freaking awesome. So I’m getting back to it.

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